Two Mexicans walk into a bar and say… “We’ll have 2 Traffic Secrets“.
The bartender looked puzzled and said, “Sorry amigos, we don’t have any Traffic Secrets around here.
Jose and Juan looked at each other puzzled, and bewildered. “No Traffic Secrets. WTF?”… they yelled. The bartender informed them that Senor Reese was not releasing Traffic Secrets until Tuesday. But even then, they might not have any either on account of everyone being drunk on “Traffic Secrets“.
There’s nothing like a good “Traffic Secrets” buzz.
Just then, a shady looking white dude who resembled a homeless Kid Rock asked the two hombres if they wanted to snort some Traffic Secrets. “I got the hookup on the pure Traffic man”… mumbled the scrawny white dude.
Jose and Juan were SHOCKED! They simply wanted to have a simple glass of Traffic Secrets, not partake in some back alley Traffic Secrets binge. Besides, they were door to door Traffic Secrets salesmen, not some Traffic Secrets users and abusers.
I mean geez, what is this world coming to?
Kids, you need to be careful with your Traffic Secrets and make sure you don’t take too much.
For instance, one time Jose drank a little too much Traffic Secrets. He ended up in a leather gay bar. He had so much Traffic Secrets in his system that it actually turned him gay for 13 days. And flamboyantly gay! Like double rainbow gay with a crooked pink triangle on top.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
But if you’re not careful, this Traffic Secrets can do strange things.
Anyhow, back to the story.
Long story short, Jose gets pissed and kicks the white boy in the Traffic Secrets. He’s bleeding Traffic Secrets all over the floor. Traffic Secrets is coming out of his nose, ears, and I’m sure his tighty whities were bloodied with Traffic Secrets too.
All the people in the bar start running around and wildly screaming… “TRAFFIC SECRETS, TRAFFIC SECRETS, TRAFFIC SECRETS” at the top of their lungs.
It was a big ol mess of Traffic Secrets.
I hadn’t seen anything like that since the first Traffic Secrets.
Well, the cops show up and handcuff Jose and Juan. They throw them into the back of the paddy wagon and book them with unlawful use of “Traffic Secrets“.
But Jose and Juan are kind of like Bo and Luke Duke. They don’t let Roscoe P Coltrane yard them into the slammer without some attempt of escape. After all, there was more Traffic Secrets to drink out there in the free world.
And very little Traffic Secrets in jail. In fact, almost NO Traffic Secrets in jail at all (unless you had a hookup on cartons of Kool cigarettes).
So, the two amigos put together their brains and dreamed up the biggest Traffic Secrets scheme they could ever think of. And then all of the sudden, Jose let’s out a ripper from his back side.
The whole paddy wagon smelled like Traffic Secrets. I mean it was bad. So bad in fact that the driver was overwhelmed by the pungent smell of the Traffic Secrets and veered off the road like a drunken Mel Gibson driving in Malibu.
The paddy wagon flipped over and the canvass top ripped away from the bed of the truck. Jose and Juan had one last chance to ditch the fuzz and run for freedom. But first, they decided to take a few more swigs of Traffic Secrets.
Then they hi-tailed it across the field and unto a country road where they hitch-hiked all the way to Traffic Secrets land and came across another bar. Oddly enough, this bar was called Traffic Secrets too. And the 2 Mexi-Bro’s knew they were home.
They sat back in their Traffic Secrets heaven, drank from the well of the Traffic Secrets Gods and slept with the hottest Traffic Secrets women ever known to man. They were the Mexican version of Matthew McConaughey squared.
And life was good.
They lived happily ever after.
Now Bob,
Bob didn’t get Traffic Secrets. Instead, he got a kick in the ass from a blind donkey, poked with a cactus in the eye, and has a bad case of Halitosis. No woman west of Traffic Secrets could ever bare to kiss this man.
He has no Traffic Secrets, no sales, no customers, no lovely women to make him Captain Crunch, no Cool Camaro to go to 7-11 and pick up a 6 pack of beer, and no LIFE!
So who do you wanna be?
Jose and Juan?
or…
Bob?
GET TRAFFIC SECRETS!
PS: My bonus if you buy from this page is… 1 hour with me on the phone to discuss your business. I don’t think you need another marketing course, or more BS piled on top of more BS. You need to just get some traffic, and then make sales. Quit screwing around with so much stuff and just focus on that, Traffic and Sales.
Oh and if you liked the story, please give it a bookmark!
Triple Rainbow w/a crooked traffic secrets triangle baby!
By far the best and most creative headline to blog post I’ve seen online all year.
Incredible…
If someone’s looking for their Traffic Secrets, look no further…
OMG, can I have a lap dance and side order of traffic secrets?
Too funny!
Lol Moffatt your a funny dude.
I hope this converts amazingly
Nice keyword density! LOL
Finally ya putting David Gordon’s teachings into action! 🙂
MOFFATT!
You are primo – and I gave you all the kudos I could in the comments on the Bonus Whores post today.
I suggested that a Moffatt/Kern presidential ticket would be great!
I’m still going to roast ya boy – so stay on the alert.
Your sexy little beast friend,
Rick Butts
And by the way, could you make the font any smaller on this darn blog?
This is the only blog I have to actually get reading glassed on and hug the freakin’ monitor in order to read!
I know you surf-punks have 20/20 vision and all – but remember what Donna Fox says, women like bigger fonts (no surprise) and old people like me buy stuff!
(And I loved the keyword densite comment above!)
Rick Butts
And yes, I am tooling with the anchor text in my name field
LOL! This has to be near record on the amount of links… 5 hours to beat, hmm… good job.
Man this is stunning copy.
I’m proud of you sanchez.
Can it get any weirder?
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=CQbDBHzRclE
Jose and Juan??? Way to go with the Mexican stereotyping J-Mo! May your dog get halitosis, gringo!
But seriously folks…
Que bueno amigo!
Tu es increible con las palabras y muy simpatico tambien.
rock y roll!
lol
best traffic secrets promo ever
and the prize goes to…J-Mo!
Best blog-based affiliate promo ever!
Eres un chingón, señor MoFo (try to find the word chingon in your Spanish-English dictionary, BTW, hahaha!).
Kudos from a mexican beer drinkin’ buddy.
Paulo Roldan
P.S: More beeeeeeeeeer!
Hey I love your witty story and word play I thought I wrote this for a minute 🙂
Also while I love John and he is the best however keep in mind if your business is not at the place it needs to be hold on and dont go getting high on Traffic Secrets it will be there when your ready.
Here is two things you need at least 2 days before traffic!
*You need Valuable content
* A list building system in place
Go here to get something if your business is not ready for TS2 just yet its my FREE report enjoy.
http://www.starriley.com/7keys
This post is very Traffic Secrets. I can’t believe you included the part about Traffic Secrets and ALSO talked about Traffic Secrets. Traffic Secrets on, man!
Lol, funniest promo mofo.
So Traffic Secrets is just one of those phrases you can throw in anywhere and it all makes sense.
In that case I know where you can get Traffic Secrets for your skin. The Traffic Secrets system will have you looking younger in no time at all.
Wow this is great, I’m sure we’ll be seeing the use of Traffic Secrets in much more advertisements. Here’s a few I can think of right now.
Like A Good Neighbor Traffic Secrets is there
Your in good hands wih Traffic Secrets
Got Traffic Secrets
Nothing runs like a Traffic Secrets
I think you’ve started something. John Reese is gonna be a billionaire once he trademarks the term Traffic Secrets, that is if if isn’t already.
Good Story, just a little humor back atcha.
Dude.
So funny.
SO wrong.
Oh so priceless.
Ahh yes, the definition of our good friend MoFo 😉
LOL Jason…crazy bastard…Maybe I should start smoking that whacky weed rofl…
Your myspace bulletin link didn’t work btwww
I messaged you there
while most gurus are whore-ing themselves out for a $200 commission, you keep it real.
id rather buy from a real bloke like yourself instead of some wanker giving away the entire farm in bonuses even if you don’t hae a bonus.
And the best part is, you can reuse this promo for any affiliate offer ever.
I anxiously await “Two Mexicans Order Mass Control 2.0”
Great post to promote John Resse’s Traffic Sectets 2.0. Nice Traffic Secrets Keyword ‘stuffing’ lol…. wishing you the best of luck!!
-Ryan
Edit by JMO: You know I’m gonna edit your affiliate links into mine right?
Absolutely Wicked Post,
Best Marketing Blog Post I have read for a long time.
Keep it Up Man,
Top Stuff.
Miltski